If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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