So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
