Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
