I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
wow bdsm is so cute
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
