The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
