you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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