Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Found your dick twin last night
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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