they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize