at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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