4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
