Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
