if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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