Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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