ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
