I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
