it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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