how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
