happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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