K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
