Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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