It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm both gender and math confused
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
