I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
