this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize