I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize