I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
