I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
