I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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