wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
