Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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