Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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