At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
3pm strippers are depressing
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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