I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
