Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
