Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
