i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
