Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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