Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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