Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
