In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
