Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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