Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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