State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize