Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
