Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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