dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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