Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
