i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
