shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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