my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
