from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Randomize
