Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
