So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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