BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
