i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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