There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
