The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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