a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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