i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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