did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i will never coherently bang her
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
