Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
