I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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