HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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