were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
