I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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