i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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