On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
