Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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