I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
