overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
