I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
