i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
