I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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