I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
