So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
