I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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