Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
