fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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