If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
