And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
