from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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