Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think your dad took our porno
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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