Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
