either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
