the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
