remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
