A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
