dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
